For those of us who have been through domestic violence, and for those of us who have also been through Hague Convention proceedings, let’s use this space to share ideas, tips, strategies and support.
We’ll look at different topics and get everyone’s comments. Please feel free to suggest topics you’d like to see discussed.
A few things to consider:
- Group discussion comments will be moderated;
- The site is open and anyone can see your comments, so use ‘the father’, or ‘my child’ instead of names;
- If you want your comment to be anonymous, say so and I’ll post the comment anonymously;
- I’m on Australian time, so if anyone posts a comment and it doesn’t appear for half a day, I’m probably asleep (or working, or being a mum).
My advice. Keep everything: every e-mail, receipt, record every phone call, set up am e-mail account that he doesn’t know about so that it will not be hacked. Contact Dr. Edleson http://www.tc.umn.edu/~jedleson/ he is an international expert and may be able to connect you with resources.
Hi I am new to the website but in a similar situation, I have been forced to sign an undertaking that means I can’t leave Australia following the separation from my daughters father. He has hacked into my hotmail account and deleted all reference (and admittance!) of his violence….. Does anyone know if I can get these back from hotmail?!
Hi Christina, welcome to the site. Here’s a link about retrieving deleted emails from hotmail. I hope it works. If it does, back up, keep the back up somewhere safe (maybe a bank safety deposit box, or a trusted friend or workmate that your ex doesn’t know about).
I am currently going through a Hague Convention case. Although there was no violence in my marriage I am now subject to emotional abuse. My husband and I and our 3 children, all Australian/British citizens moved back to Australia in 2011. My husband had an affair which continued over a number of months. He moved out of our home and then returned to the Uk. Upon his return there he simply changed his mind and decided that he no longer gave permission for us to remain in Australia and bought about a Hague Convention application. I have sepnt over $40,000 defending myself and telling my side of the story to the Authority, he, has paid nothing. When it goes to trial it will cost me a further $30,000. He refuses to pay any child support and left me to run the business he bought when we moved back to Australia. All of our family live here and we had planned the move back to Australia for a number of years.
Eveything with the Hague Convention is on his side. He has now even said that he wont attend the trial in person, even though initially he said he would. The Authority are not forcing him at this point to attend. I have been given no financial assistance or legal aide. His family and my family all agree that the children ar far better off in Australia and even though the children are young, they are adamant they do not want to go back to live in England.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, you’re in such an impossible position. I truly hope that the evidence you can show that your husband agreed to resettle in Australia, and did indeed resettle in Australia, will allow you and your children to stay in Australia.
You’re going through something that shows yet another thing that is wrong with the Hague Convention: the so-called ‘left behind’ parent doesn’t have to pay a cent in legal costs. The woman who has left her husband because of emotional and/or physical abuse then has to get Legal Aid or pay to defend herself. She is then subject to financial and court abuse. That’s an outrageous amount of money you’ve had to pay.
Here’s a link to a paper on court-related abuse and harassment by the Vancouver YMCA. It shows how fathers will use the court system to further their abuse, punish the mother for leaving, making her financially destitute and use the courts to humiliate and threaten the mother. The author states that when people became aware of how often court abuse happens — and works — they were horrified.
If there is anyone else on this page who can offer advice, please do so. This mother desperately needs some help and some hope.
I have so much I want to say to you, is there any way that we could skype? Represent yourself if at all possible, if you feel strong enough to handle it. How long were you back in Australia? What do you mean by “back to Australia”? Where were the kids born, how long did you live in Britain…how long in Australia before, and more recently? How long did he own the business in Australia? How old are the kids? Were they settled into school in Australia…I have so many questions. When you do file court documents, attach articles about court abuse etc. to your affidavits as a way to educate the lawyers and the judge. These documents may come in handy at some time.
With the proper support, self representation is less costly. Most lawyers will provide legal advice (not representation) at a reasonable price. That way you can afford the BEST advice for less cost.
I recently defended a Hague Convention action for the summary return and there was no violence. The speed of proceedings made my head spin but I would caution about over producing paperwork.
KISS and chronology are important. If you want to email or facebook me for a chat and support, I don’t know how much help I can be, but just someone to give you hope is a bonus in this horrendous situation.
Unfortunately it is too late, he hacked my computer and deleted 2 years of emails relating to his violence…don’t know what to do other than change all passwords and increase security but the damage is done. What a lesson to others!
Hi I am in the process of applying to the courts for relocation. Can anyone advise if there are websites or templates available that show me what information to submit and what kind of format they should be in?
Hi, I was ‘tricked’ into coming to Australia as my partner told me if I didn’t like it, we would move to Ireland where I come from and now he tells me he has no intention of ever leaving Australia. Since being here, I’ve been subjected to verbal and emotional abuse and I know there is nothing I can do about it. He even does this in front of her. He also tells me he won’t let me take my daughter home to visit her grandad or family yet his own family here rarely make contact with him and certainly never bother with our daughter – how is this allowed to happen? How is it better for a child to be the victim of isolation because a father cares more about himself than his child? I come to the realisation that I have to deal with it, and I have 12 more years before I can escape – it’s that thought that gets me through the day – the HC is so wrong in so many ways you wouldn’t believe possible in this day and age – I have complete sympathy for all of you who are going through this process, but please remember, one day your child will be 16 and you will be free…
Mazza, this sounds like such a terrible and hard situation for you.
Have you had any legal advice? Or gotten into contact with women’s support services? They can advise you on what to do with the emotional and verbal abuse. You don’t have to put up with it, and your child doesn’t have to hear it. It’s actually illegal in most states for a child to hear or witness any form of family violence (which includes emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, spiritual and financial abuse).
Legal Aid have family law clinics a few times every week, and they can advise you on what to do if you want to apply to return to Ireland with your child. None of this is easy, and there are no guarantees. But you and your child do not have to be held ransom to emotional violence.
Please keep in touch, and I can offer whatever knowledge I have.
Amiel.