“Monsters in the Closet” by the National Domestic Violence Hotline with the support of the Verizon Foundation
Hagued is for women who escaped from domestic violence with their children, and were then faced with the Hague Convention on international child abduction. The Hague Convention is an international law that aims to return children to their home country so custody can be sorted out. Unfortunately, it often fails the women it is supposed to protect.
Many women who have been accused of international child abduction have only fled to escape the violent fathers of their children. In fact, a 2011 study found that mothers were carrying out over two-thirds of all international child abductions. Another study found that over half of abducting mothers were escaping from family violence. Of the majority of children who were forced to return, almost half of these children and mothers were subjected to more violence.
This is because the Hague Convention doesn’t take into consideration why the mother fled. Escaping from family violence rarely works as a defence in Hague Convention cases.
This means fathers can use the Hague Convention to further abuse mothers. Fathers can go to court and insist they are the victims of an international child abduction. And the courts force the mothers and children to return.
For the mothers and children, this is what it means to be hagued.
The word ‘hagued’ means to be steamrollered by an international law that doesn’t care about the rights of women and children to live in safety and not be subjected to violence. To be hagued means to be forced back by a law that doesn’t take into consideration why you ran. You have been hagued when you are forced to return to a country where you’re not eligible for welfare payments or housing. You have been hagued when you and your children are forced back to the country where you are in danger.
There are hundreds of ways to be hagued. So, when you feel comfortable, tell us your experiences.
The aim of Hagued is to contribute to the debate around the Hague Convention. The Hague Convention needs to be amended. Let’s work together to show why.
A few rules:
- Please don’t use real names. Instead use ‘the father’, ‘my child’ or ‘my ex-partner’. We don’t want to get into any trouble with courts;
- For the same reason, please don’t name your home town or any other easily identifiable things;
- Posts and comments will be moderated if necessary.
I escaped from a verbally abusive situation in Italy. My partner and I were unmarried. In Sept he broke down the door to our apartment, the police were called but made light of it. I went immediately home to the U.S. My children are 2 and 4. The 2 year old has autism. My partner filed a hague convention and I am currently preparing for the hearing. I’m really afraid that I’ll have to go back to Italy. My son, since we have been here has received intensive autism therapy, which, in Italy he couldn’t get because of the scarcity of qualified autism doctors and because with socialized medicine, we had to wait 9 months or a year between appointments. From what I’ve read of the Article 13 defense, I don’t know what the court will decide. We go to court in two weeks. My children speak only English. My partner left rome and went home to England (he’s a british citizen), then returned to Rome to file the appeal. He has also filed in Rome for sole custody, so I have had to hire an atty in Rome. What are my chances?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I presume you’ve told your lawyer that your ex-partner is not a citizen of Rome and no longer lives there, if that’s the case. And about the autism services you’re receiving in the US that you can’t receive in Italy. And also that the police made light of a serious incident of violence by your ex. Basically you need to make a case that if you return to Italy your children are going to be worse off.
This might help, but I’m afraid to say that it’s all a long shot. You might get a compassionate judge who is prepared to stand up for the rights of women who have left abusive relationships, but you might not.
The best thing I can say for you at the moment, is to fight as hard as you can in the US, but be prepared to go back to Italy. In Italy you will have the chance to put forward all of your arguments about why you should have custody and should be given permission to permanently relocate to the US (such as the abuse, the fact that your ex no longer lives in Rome, that your child is receiving services that he cannot receive in Italy).
I hope that helps a little. Living with the uncertainty of what is going to happen, and that your life and the choices you make are not in your control is terrifying. I really do understand that. Unfortunately, so does your ex, and he’s using the Hague Convention to totally unsettle you, and perhaps even to punish you for leaving.
Please keep in touch, and I hope that you get some solace and some help from this page and the other posters.
Amiel
Thank you Amiel. Unfortunately, my ex moved back to Rome just so that he could invoke Hague. I appreciate your comments and I am steeling myself to do what I have to do. I will keep fighting….Maria
Ladies,
I won! Keep fighting this injustice. We are making progress. Now just send prayers that we win the appeal too. Going back would surely mean death for me and my children.
Fighting for Freedom from Violence
FANTASTIC!!! So happy for you! You win helps us all, really it does, and gives us hope. All the very, very best for the appeal, and keep in touch. xx
I was given the right under English law to remove our child from the UK to relocate to the US. The trial lasted three whole days and was extremely intense and costly.
Contact both direct and indirect was defined in a court order. However he has not made any effort to contact our child, totally ignoring all efforts we make to contact him.
He has now involved the department of state here in the US, as I have now received a letter referring to The Hague Convention in relation to child abduction. What can I do to stop him harassing me and not seeking any contact with his child, but claiming I have abducted her?
Sara,
If you have a n order saying that you could legally leave the UK with the children, I’m not sure if there will be a problem regarding the Hague. I am awaiting a decision on Tuesday. I left Italy with my kids and went to the US and have been hagued. The trial was last week.
Regarding harassment, have you gone to the police? A lawyer?
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hi Maria
Did you have permission to leave? I hope it all goes well for you. I am planning on getting some legal advice, because he lives in the UK not sure the police here in the US can help.
I appreciate your reply and concern.
Kind regards
Kelly
Kelly,
No, we did not have permission. He broke down our apt door and I left with the children.
Sara, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I understand that you’re in the US? If so, other people on this site have got into contact with the Hague Domestic Violence Project at http://www.haguedv.org. You can call them toll free at 866-820-4599. Women here have had great success with being put in touch with a lawyer who knows everything there is to know about the Hague Convention.
Obviously I’m not a lawyer, but if you had a trial and you were given permission for your child to permanently relocate to the US then there is no case for a Hague Convention. Still, get in contact with the HDVP as soon as possible and they will be able to put you in touch with someone who will be able to help you.
I wish you all the best and please keep in contact,
Amiel
Thank you so much for your speedy reply. I will contact them tomorrow and hopefully get some reassurance and professional advice.